After Evelyn joined God and Jesus in Heaven, I felt God using the relationships in our lives to comfort us. Ecclesiastes 4:9-10 talks about the advantages of companionship. "Two people are better off than one, for they can help each other succeed. If one person falls, the other can reach out and help." God called many of our family and friends to reach out and help us after Evelyn went to Heaven. Can you see how God is using the relationships that are in your life? How is God blessing you through these relationships?
One relationship that God used heavily during this time is my parents. My parents are the type of people that just know what to do in any type of situation. I am not sure what it is about them. Maybe they have been around the block a time or two and have learned from experience, or maybe they pay attention to those around them. Whatever it is, they always seem to know what to do no matter the situation. And they knew exactly what to do when their granddaughter passed away.
Getting Things Done
My dad has never been able to sit still. He is always doing something, even when on vacation. A prime example of this is when we would go on vacation when we were younger. My dad always wakes up early, and while the rest of us slept in like normal people do on vacation, he would go and explore the place we were vacationing. He always came back with a coffee, paper, and recommendation from a local for a place to eat or something to do. Even on vacation he is getting things done.
The day Evelyn died, Drew and I were in total and complete shock. We had never planned a funeral before. We did not know where to start. When the hospital asked where we would like to send Evelyn's body, I did not even know what to say. I had no frame of reference for who would even accept her body.
When we left the hospital and went back to my parents' house, Drew and I had no idea what to do next. We still had not decided where to send Evelyn's body. This is where my dad stepped in. He could see that Drew and I were at a loss for what the next steps were. He asked if it was okay with us if he could meet with the senior pastor at our church to discuss next steps.
God knew that Drew and I would not be able to do this on our own. He called my dad to reach out and help us in our time of need. My dad consulted with the senior pastor, who gave us the recommendation of one of the best funeral directors at Heafey Hoffmann Dworak Cutler Mortuaries. From there, my dad consulted with this funeral director, who we decided to use, and asked for cemetery suggestions. And it went on from there with all of things that go into funerals, burial plots, headstones, and more. My dad helped us through it all.
Along the way, my dad was very respectful of our autonomy. He never made decisions for us. He always laid the options on the table or made and transported us to appointments for the options to be laid on the table by the experts for Drew and I to decide.
God called him to do the work that He knew we would not be able to do. I am forever thankful that my dad listened to God's calling. Without my dad as our guide post, I am not sure where we would have ended up.
The Village:
They say it takes a village to raise children. I have learned that this is true even when your child is an adult (me) or now resides in Heaven (Evelyn). I am not really sure when my mom had the conversations with her village informing them of Evelyn’s passing, but all of a sudden her village was there for me in every way for every need. In the same way, our village was there for us too when they heard of Evelyn's passing.
My mom has had this friend from Omaha for years. They have always been close. This friend became my mom’s go-to during the week after Evelyn’s passing. We had so many people reaching out, wanting to help in any way. Each one of these people was a blessing in their own way. These people did things for my family during a time when we did not know how to put one foot in front of the other. I am forever thankful to each person who helped my family during this difficult time.
The thing is, I didn’t really know how they could help. I did not know what I needed. No one could bring Evelyn back, and that was all I wanted. So I was at a loss for what to tell them. So for lack of anything else to say or do, I would pass their names along to my mom, who would pass it to this friend. My mom would express a need of ours, and this friend would delegate this need to the friends that were waiting to help. Meals were delivered to our door, hot and ready to eat. Errands were run with things we needed. Books were hand selected for me to help me process (those of you who know me, know that I am a reader). Clothing options for Evelyn's funeral were bought for Drew, Katherine, and myself, and the rejects were returned. Plastic cups and cutlery were delivered so that we did not have to do dishes. All of our needs were met by our village when we did not even know what our needs were.
I am forever grateful that God called each and every one of you to help our family during our time of need. I am also thankful that each one of you listened to God's calling. I am not sure I can thank everyone enough. But I am going to try:
Thank you for your prayers, your letters, your cards, your thoughts, your donations to Evelyn's memorial at the zoo, picking up clothes for Evelyn's funeral, bringing food, gifts for Katherine, drinks, gift cards for restaurants or groceries, books, a birthday party for Evelyn with cake and balloons, and so much more. I know I am forgetting things because those first weeks are extremely fuzzy but thank you for all you did for us.
You are all in my village, and for that I am thankful. Who is God calling to your village? Who can you reach out to for help when you fall? Or on the flip side, who is God calling you to reach out to help? How can you respond to that calling?
-The Blessed Mourner
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